A Daughter's Letter
"As I sit here to write this note, there are so many things going through my head. For some of you, this may be the first you have heard of this, for some, you already know, and for some it may just be putting some detail to the rumors you have heard. I wrote and posted something like this yesterday, but it somehow it got deleted, so I have to recompose it now. This is a very emotional and difficult thing to re-live. I have been in tears all morning.
April 13, 2009 my siblings and I lost our mother to cancer. She was the glue that held our family together. She loved each of her children dearly, and I would venture to say, each of us considered her our best friend. She was an amazing woman, full of faith and wisdom.
The cancer came at her hard and fast. January 31, 2009 she was diagnosed with stage 4, terminal cancer. She was very weak and had to endure some strong radiation and chemotherapy. Because of the intensity of the situation, our mom needed full time care. The four girls wanted to share the responsibility, but our dad decided to have my younger brother's wife, Lorena come live in the home to care for our mom. He said God instructed him to do that. Andy was away on orders for the Army at the time, and would be gone for several months. Shortly after Lorena moved into the house, our dad moved out of the room he shared with our mom, into another level of the house. Our mom asked him not to, but he said she was keeping him awake at night. He also asked her not to bother Lorena during the night so she could get her rest. My mom was needing assistance to get around most of the time, but she was made to feel bad for asking for help at night.
Andy and Lorena had been married for about five years at the time, and have a daughter together. They had been having some trouble in their marriage because of things Andy saw as unethical behavior from our dad. For those of you who don't know, our dad pastors Solid Rock Church in Elk River, MN. Andy was on staff as the children's pastor. He wanted to resign quietly, without causing any trouble, but Lorena would not support his decision. Andy thought they were trying to work things out. He would get a phone call on the weekends and he would call mom. He wrote letters daily to our mother, and she responded daily in return. Most of the time the conversation and letters revolved around how to reconcile his marriage. He also wrote to Lorena at that time, but she had hardened her heart and would not respond. Our mom was always trying to talk to her about staying with Andy, but it was very evident she was not interested.
April 11th, 2009 our mother was struggling to breathe and the decision was made to bring her to the hospital. The morning of the 13th, the doctor said there was nothing more they could do for her and needed to take off her oxygen mask so it didn't cause further damage to her body. All of us made it to the hospital long before our dad, even though he was the first one called. Each of her children and their families were able to spend a few private moments with her where she laid her hands on us and professed a blessing over us. Andy was not able to make it back in time because our dad refused to call the Army for his emergency leave until it was too late.
When the end was apparent, our dad decided to go to the cafeteria instead of being near her and holding her hand as she passed. As a matter of fact, he sat in the corner and did not touch her the entire time. The nurse said someone should go get him from the cafeteria as her breaths were slowing down, but he didn't come back until after she was gone. Her body still lay in the bed as he discussed getting remarried. I remember being so horrified, that I struggled to figure out how to shut the conversation down. I suggested that his children help him choose someone. He replied, emphatically and immediately that no one would have any say in who he chose whatsoever! I found out later that he had revealed to one of my siblings that day of his intention to marry Lorena, who was still very much married to my brother! He said God told him to.
Over the course of the next couple months the grueling details became abundantly clear. He had stolen my brother's wife, even hiring and paying for a divorce attorney for her, and now he is trying to steal his daughter! On January 7th, 2010 Our dad married Lorena Matthews, in a ceremony performed by his so called "spiritual father", Ed Dufresne, who saw no issue with the union. I guess he forgot to read Leviticus 18. or 1 Corinthians 5!
Our dad has not yet paid for the funeral bills, or bought a headstone for our mom's grave, even though he received many thousands of dollars from pastors and memorial gifts. He had no issue finding money for home improvements, a ring, plane tickets and hotel rooms for all his guests at the wedding in California. They are now telling precious little Natalia that her aunties are her sisters, and her grandpa is her daddy. She has been instructed to call Andy by his name instead of "dad". I suppose that's because he is now her step brother. She is so confused and sad. How could anyone do that to an innocent little girl? When Andy has to drop her back off with Lorena she screams and cries and asks him to not make her go back there. She says she just wants to stay with him. It is so heartbreaking.
At this point I would like to ask if you could find it in your heart to donate toward the attorney costs, as they will be extensive, and we have limited funds at this time. We are opening a bank account that you will be able to deposit directly into, if you so desire. If you are not able to donate, could you please keep us in your prayers? This is a very complicated and difficult situation for everyone involved. Thank you so much!"
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